freshstart.

July 1^st, 2008

So today was my first day back home. I have a new brother and I’m soooo excited. His name is Jeremiah Lee. Yesterday I went back to Biola after Nate picked me up. They’re painting a lot of buildings. Sigma Chi looks so different. I cannot even tell that it’s Sigma anymore. I miss Biola a lot, but I feel that I need to be at home and learn to deal with whatever I need to here, spiritually and socially. I’m actually really excited to see how God’s going to reveal my purpose to me the rest of this summer. I have definitely learned a lot about leaving everything to God and trusting in Him to take care of everything. Even when I’m alone and hurting I know that He will always be there for me. For through our weakness He is stronger. Man, I am so exhausted from my trip, but I still have so much to do.

Here is my new “to do” list:

1. Learn more Hmong-read Hmong and English Bible together

2. Finish my two books-When God Writes Your Love Story, Captivating

3. Watch some cool movies

4. Continue trusting in God even in hard times

5. Make goals for Ivan

6. Plan culture awareness events with Alex

7. Hang out with Monica and go shopping for room stuff

8. Finish my blog for Guatemala

I know that there is a lot to do. But I am determined to do it. I watched “Facing the Giants” while at Guatemala and a quote that got to me was, “If you accept defeat then that’s what you’ll get.” This is definitely true. One thing I’m dealing with currently that is hard is the fact that Chao is now possibly engaging in other relationships. It definitely hurts, but I’m actually okay with it. I’ve learned to deal with it because I have given so much of myself to him already. If I become upset and jealous then I’ll just be giving more to him that may not even belong to him. My emotions and my heart right now only belong to God and me.

I’ve been missing my youth group a lot. At Guatemala, we hung out with the youth group and they’re so awesome. I loved the guys so much because they reminded me of the guys in my youth group at home. Another girl said that she didn’t have guys like that at home. I never realized how amazing the guys were at our church. I mean I knew they were amazing, but I never realized just how amazing they are. I cannot wait to go to church and chill.

I’ve also learned a lot about friendship. There are some people who pick sides and I’ve finally determined who I do and do not want in my life. I’m not gonna cut anyone out of my life, I just won’t care for them as much. I’m the kind of person who does almost anything for a friend. I try to be considerate and respectful all the time. I love making others feel special. However, when someone else shows me disrespect or no consideration, I tend to hold grudges. I put so much time in my relationship with them and for them to not even appreciate it I get a little upset. But now I’m learning to change. I just won’t be emotionally attached anymore. I get way too emotional. I don’t know how Ju does it, but I’m learning.