needles.

AIYA!

So, I got acupuncture today from Luke Yim.
Man. It was definitely an amazing experience.
I'm gonna go do it again.

Luke took an eastern medicine course this summer in China.
So he knows so much! my goodness. amazing man.

Then I was definitely entertained by Alex receiving acupressure because he was too scared of acupuncture. ahaha. Awkward moments, definitely.

YAY. fun day.


Tomorrow is another adventure.

guidanceofGod.

The guys in my life right now whom I undoubtfully adore:

1. My Daddy
2. Zechariah Lee
3. Jeremiah Lee
4. Sao Lee
5. Alexander Sung
6. Rui Guo
7. Richard Chung
8. Daros Koding

TeeterTotter.

So life is a journey of learning how to balance oneself.

Too much on one side and it's no fun.

I pray that God continues to watch over us as we learn who we are in Him.

yuck.

I feel super gross inside.
It's feels as though I've just touched something really dirty and I can't wipe it off.
As though it's inside of me and will never leave.
Like a parasite.



Maybe it's just me that's a parasite; infecting my own mind by thinking too much.
yuck. I hate this part of life.

But I'm gonna learn to make the best of my situation in life.

Yup yup. Can't mess with me!

yoohoo.

So I've just began my first paid job of my life. It's actually a lot of fun. We get to play with the registers and stuff ^^

For some reason I don't really feel like I'm working though, unless I'm on the register. When I'm not on the register, I pick up books and put them in boxes. That part of the job does not really feel like work. But I guess it takes time getting used to. I think it's because I'm so used to doing that kind of labor as volunteer work instead of paid work. But when I am on the register it feels like work because of my mindset. Interesting.

So that's my paid job. Now off to my unpaid job. I am one of the Social Board Leaders for the International Students Association (ISA). My job description is to plan activities for fellowship and create culture awareness. Luckily I have Alex Sung there with me. He's my partner for Social Board. I'm so excited for this year.

Nate Yim, Small Group Leader, has asked me to be a small group leader. I have been praying about that for a long time and I'm really glad that I'm going to be able to lead a group.

I am worried though. Am I going to have enough time to do all of this? Who knows. Only God can help me get through this. Well, that's my work life for now. Exciting though.

MindClearing

.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
Hopefully I can clear it enough for God

nuisance.

peoplewhoareindicisiveandrediculouslykindtothepointwherethey
areretarded.

forserious.

Man, this movie was super super super amazing. After the movie finished, I was surprisingly super happy. I thought about it and this is why:

The movie was full of adventure-Wesley was an ordinary guy who had a girlfriend that was cheating on him with his best friend, one of the most annoying bosses, and no money. His life was boring. Then one day his life changes and he gets to have adventure!!!!

The movie portrayed nobility-there was a part when Fox had to choose between doing the right thing and taking her own life or living a lie and killing innocent people; she chose to take her own life. That was so awesome.

The movie portrayed love-Wesley's father Cross sacrificed his life for his son.

I guess I loved the movie so much because that's what I want my life to be like.

THAT WAS AN AWESOME GAME!!! (from Hook the movie)

superstar.

So today was Becka's birthday and guess where we went to celebrate?!!! LAGUNA BEACH! ahha. the whole time we were talking about LC and Steven. It was pretty cool. But seriously, that place looks so expensive. I don't think I'd want to live there. Everyone there was superly dressed and stuff. We ate at an Italian restaurant called Pomodora. It was pretty good and not as expensive as I expected. My plate was $9.95. Yeap.

On our way back to the car, (we had to walk because there was NO parking) we used the public restrooms which were located in back of a parking lot. Afterwards, we were kind of walking in a closed street/alley. There was this random guy outside peeing. He told us not to look. Then he tried talking to us while he was peeing and we were walking away. He was definitely drunk. Then we got home around 11:00p.m. I still had to plan my events for ISA. But Laguna was fun :]

ka-pow.

biggest slap in the face:

being told that you're not something you tried so hard to be.

poopysituation.

Life is poo. Leah Nkaujnag Lee is not good enough for anything or anyone. Life is poo. Leah Nkaujnag Lee is a failure. Life is poo. Leah Nkaujnag Lee has never felt so hurt and so much pain. Life is poo. Leah Nkaujnag Lee is done. Life is poo. Leah Nkaujnag Lee is poo.

earlyadventure.

August 8, 2008

So it’s 1:04a.m. right now. Why am I not sleeping? I have no idea. I got home from VBS around 10p.m. I took a bath and did my quiet time with God. I was really tired around 11:40p.m. but for some reason I just couldn’t sleep. I got on my computer and played Spider Solitaire for a while just to make my winning percentage higher. Since I haven’t been able to go online, Spider Solitaire has become a good friend of mine. So now I’m sitting in bed wondering why I don’t want to go to sleep. I was really exhausted earlier. If I laid down I could have easily passed out. However, I chose not to. Hm…I have no idea why I’m still up. I decided to do something more productive than Spider Solitaire, so now I’m typing this.

Am I still up because there are too many things on my mind? Well, let’s see what’s bothering me right now. Being able to trust God full heartedly is definitely on my mind. The whole Chao issue is definitely on my mind. How I’m going to pull off tomorrow’s lesson for VBS is definitely on my mind. How I’m going to balance work, school, and ISA is definitely on my mind. Wondering if I’m ever going to succeed as a med student and doctor is definitely on my mind. Wondering if I’m going to be able to live a happy and content life is definitely on my mind. Wow, I actually have a lot on my mind.

The other day after Night of Worship, NouV cracked my back…wow, it was loud. NouV said that I’m too stressed. My response was, “Really?” Many times I don’t realize I’m stressing. I stress so much that I don’t notice it anymore either. Do I stress? I don’t think so…but obviously my back begs to differ.

I don’t want to be sad anymore. However, I also don’t want to pretend I’m happy anymore either. People always comment on how I’m always happy and smiling and stuff. They say that they’ve never seen me sad or mad. This shocks me because I’m actually a pretty sad and mad person. However, I do thank God for giving me a pretty good life. There isn’t that much I can get upset about.

Man, I really really really want to have a heart like God. Right now I’m reading a book called “Capitivating.” I’m only on chapter two, but I read something that made me question God’s purpose in boys. The book stated that God created woman to complete man. Without women the world is incomplete. By creating a woman, God is showing the world that He is a God of relationship, adventure, and beauty: just as a heart of a woman. He wants us to pursue Him whole heartedly just as women want to be pursued whole heartedly by men. STOP! Right there. If God wants us to pursue Him whole heartedly, then why did God make guys. I mean, guys always like different girls at the same time. Even if they pursue you, is it whole heartedly??? How can it be whole heartedly when they have someone else in the back of their minds??? Ju always told me that a guy always has three hearts for different girls…or something along that line. Well, that’s my question of the night. I pray all the time for God to help me understand boys. I know it’s going to be a long journey. But if the answer to boys is at the end of the road, I’m ready to travel it.

Right now I’m learning more about my purpose in God as a single woman. Wait, am I a woman? Maybe I’m just a lady. Uh…I like being a girl. I don’t really feel like growing up. College is hard. Money sucks. And so do bills. I want to go back to kindergarten when my dad would put my clothes on for me in the morning and comb my hair like a boy. I would go to school without a care in the world. The only thing I wanted to do was have fun. As I get older I think a lot more with this brain of mine. Thinking is good, but too much thinking can definitely kill you.

Wow. Now I’m just rambling about a bunch of random things. Oh well, it’s still a stress reliever for me…for now at least.

Oh, the Thailand team came back. Seng seems super Thai now: always speaking in Thai. Makes me kind of miss Guatemala. Actually, I miss it a lot. But I’m glad to be home right now. But I’m leaving in FOUR days. Wow, my summer was a lot shorter than I thought. I’m missing out on so much. It seems as though the youth does everything when I can’t make it. But when I’m here, they don’t have anything to do. I’m going to be missing out on the Bonfire with Modesto and Merced. It’s okay, I’ll be with ISA.

Hmm….things I’m looking forward to this semester:

1) Sao visiting me before Christmas

2) Being social board leader

3) Leading small groups for ISA girls

4) Watching my brother Jeremiah grow

5) Doing well in school

6) POOL!!!! Richard Chung is going down.

So now it’s 1:32a.m. I need to be going to sleep now. Aiya. Yawn yawn.

Wow, I wrote a lot. I wonder if anyone read to the end of this.

watashi wa

I am...

well, I think I'm strong. But at the same time I know I'm weak.
I want to be strong. I want to stand on my own. But sometimes I feel that I have an overwhelming weakness that overcomes me. I try to look past it and stay strong. But hey, I'm still human.

In our weakness He is strong...I never really understood that.
It's just a phrase that I use to comfort myself.

This summer I'm learning how to rely on God and really lean on His shoulder and no one else's. It's definitely been a struggle because my whole life I've been relying on everyone around me. But now is the time when I have to really reach for Him. I have to run towards Him with my whole heart. I need to praise Him in everything I do. I need to practice being in the presence of God.

AYA. sigh. pray for me.